Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I’ve probably done twice as much flying in the last few years as I did in the previous 20, now that I have friends and other connections east of the Rockies. Still, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the ways of the modern air traveller. These people have powers of interpretation that I’ll never be able to fathom, much less ever adapt.

For example, in the departure lounge, when they announce pre-boarding for families with children and passengers who may need assistance boarding the aircraft, I’ve never understood that that is my signal to grab my things and jostle for position at the counter. I usually assume that there’ll be another boarding announcement for regular passengers like myself.

Similarly, when the plane lands and the flight attendant asks everyone to remain seated while we taxi to the terminal, I don’t take that as a cue to stand up and start pulling my stuff from the overhead bins. The seasoned traveller knows better, though. Having been flown to his destination at 550 MPH, he's now determined to shave time off his journey. It’s up to him. Every second counts. Some other a-hole out there might hail all the taxis!


Metal Mark said...

I have actually never been on a plane before. I have been in a helicopter twice and it was an Amry helicopter with no side doors so it scared me the first time I was in it.

The Super Robertson Supper show said...

hot tip

smoke a joint before you fly

The Mule said...

Thank you, Ann Landers.

FredCQ said...

I used to have a minor fear of flying. When my wife and I decided to adopt our daughter from China, I knew there would be a lot of flying. When I calculated the flights, the total was 7 flights in 2 weeks. Two of these flights were over 15 hours. I wasn't thrilled.

You know what? After taking all of those flights, I no longer am afraid t fly. I guess the fear was beat out of my by all end of the trip.

S Robertson said...

I'm always the last one on the plane... a little stretching in the corner.
I figure why sit on that plane for 20 minutes until that last passenger leaps on board with red eyes and a backpack to knock some skulls.
The trick is to be that guy.
I'm with you on the landing... why leap up to stand and wait? Not only that being the last off the plane gives one the opportunity to scour the plane for lost wallets and half full booze bottles.

Smash said...

I've flown pretty regularly since being a kid, and I like it less as time goes on. The last thing I want to do is risk being stuck on that plane any longer than necssary, so I will do whatever I can to make sure I'm first out the door. In fact, it's all I can do to keep from asking if they'd kindly loan me a parachute and let me off around Sakskatchewan or Northen California, depending which direction I am flying. But failing that, I agree with Super's good advice of sitting comfortably and departing last. His advice of smoking first leaves much to be desired though, and I wonder if the nut has truly ever smoked a j. in an airport. He should know that eating it is undetecatble and a longer-lasting, ergo superior for travel, effect. It's also far more terrifying, as I found out once when I ate one of his cookies before taking the train to Whistler and I'll only say that being stuck inside a moving metal cannister did not turn out to be a pleasant experience, at least not until daybreak when I could see that we were not in fact going 1000 miles per hour through Hades. Got any more of them cookies, Super?